Rotters: London
Britain's Prime Magician, David Camoron, yesterday launched the latest in his acclaimed series of highly original disappearing acts. In a skillful use of magical wizardry unseen since Gandalf's exploits in Mordor, Camoron has, in less than a year since the general election, already ensured the miraculous disappearance of all of his pre-election pledges, as well as the equally rapid disappearance of any public trust in his coalition.
Camoron's latest magic trick involves a level of ambition and daring that has shocked even the most hardened political observers. "For my next trick," he announced at a press conference yesterday, "I will make British society disappear, disintegrate, vaporise altogether. What's more, a few million negative comments and unanimously critical newspaper headlines won't shake my belief that I can do it."
In an act of dazzling originality, the Prime Magician has formulated a two-pronged approach to achieving success. First, he will attempt to get members of the public to do things they were previously professionally employed to do, for free. "I want to liberate people from the tyranny of salaried employment," stated Camoron, with deep conviction, "and give them the freedom to have more spare time, and unprecedented levels of flexibility."
The second aspect of the magic trick involves deploying the 'nuclear option', something to which the government already appears reconciled: creating a new bank. Recent years have conclusively proven that banks have become clinically adept at undermining society, and through the creation of this latest financial institution, the Big Society Black Hole Bank, Camoron hopes that the last remnants of British society will be swallowed whole in a vast chasm of fiscal destruction.
Meanwhile opposition leader, Ed Militaryband, claimed that Camoron's magic "will lead to a huge Eton mess, though not as tasty as the dessert. Even Bliar Bliar Pants on Fire couldn't have pulled off a trick like this!"
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Camoron's latest magic trick involves a level of ambition and daring that has shocked even the most hardened political observers. "For my next trick," he announced at a press conference yesterday, "I will make British society disappear, disintegrate, vaporise altogether. What's more, a few million negative comments and unanimously critical newspaper headlines won't shake my belief that I can do it."
In an act of dazzling originality, the Prime Magician has formulated a two-pronged approach to achieving success. First, he will attempt to get members of the public to do things they were previously professionally employed to do, for free. "I want to liberate people from the tyranny of salaried employment," stated Camoron, with deep conviction, "and give them the freedom to have more spare time, and unprecedented levels of flexibility."
The second aspect of the magic trick involves deploying the 'nuclear option', something to which the government already appears reconciled: creating a new bank. Recent years have conclusively proven that banks have become clinically adept at undermining society, and through the creation of this latest financial institution, the Big Society Black Hole Bank, Camoron hopes that the last remnants of British society will be swallowed whole in a vast chasm of fiscal destruction.
Meanwhile opposition leader, Ed Militaryband, claimed that Camoron's magic "will lead to a huge Eton mess, though not as tasty as the dessert. Even Bliar Bliar Pants on Fire couldn't have pulled off a trick like this!"
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